Well, of course there’s no compulsion in Islam, silly!

(This column may be found on Examiner.com.)

Youcef Nadarkhani, a 34 year old husband and father of two little ones, will be put to death at some point likely soon by Iran’s oppressive (Islamic) government.  I say “at some point” because he won’t be given a warning.  It’ll just happen when the state feels like it.

His heinous crime?  Leaving Islam.

Tisk, tisk, tisk…

One can’t imagine why on earth Nadarkhani would want to leave a faith whose global reputation shimmers so.

Everyone knows Egyptian Muslims treat their Christian counterparts as their equals.  (Forget that they explode in their houses of worship, stab, shoot, run over with military tanks, rape, abduct, and harvest the organs of, Copts on a regular basis.)

Everyone knows Muslim countries afford women the same rights as men (Saudi women aren’t allowed to drive–I guess they’re too dumb and emotional).

Everyone knows Muslim governments treat gays humanely (Hamas crucifies those merely suspected of homosexual activity).

Everyone knows how thankful Muslims are to their benefactors, too.  They always remind one another, and the world, how Westerners ensure their ability to eat each day by sending them aid, and how President Clinton, an American, saved God only knows how many Albanian Muslims from the Orthodox Christian mass murderer Milosevic.

Everyone knows that when Muslims get upset, they talk it out.  Yep.  Diplomacy, not the sword (or hijacked airplane, lest we forget), is at the center of Muslim engagement with the Western world.

And everyone knows, lastly, that Muslims have a good sense of humor.  They tolerate having their religion criticized as well as Christians and Jews do, clearly.  One has never heard of a single Muslim going on a murderous rampage simply because one dared draw their prophet.  Conversely, you hear all the time about how those crazy Jews and Christians behave when an icon of theirs is covered with fecal matter, or a temple gets bombed.

It’s hard, therefore, even perplexing, one could say, to understand why on God’s green earth this unenlightened man would want to abandon the faith into which he was born.  A growing number of its practitioners are such good ambassadors!  What’s not to love about modern Islam?

Goodness gracious!

If you ask me, there’s no room for improvement in the Muslim community.  Muslims are special!  Perfect, in fact!  Between you and me, people who say otherwise are just Islamophobic.  I mean, really, you know the type; they’re just great big racists is what they are.  Bigots, all of them.

Hey, Youcef, sleep well tonight, buddy.  I’m sure these millions and millions of Muslims who keep trying to force us into believing they’re really quite moderate will protest on your behalf until you’re a free man.

Everyone knows there’s no such thing as compulsion in Islam.



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